Wellbeing: Stupid Things We Do That Threaten Ours

I like to believe that it is our bottomless supply of hope that makes us do things that we would- if the shoe was on the other foot- tell our friends they are crazy to do.

It is our inherent goodness that makes us have faith; makes us insist that we are responsible for everyone’s wellbeing. It is our wanting to spread good that makes us believe we are the ones to shake things up and set them straight.
We go over and above the call of duty insisting that: ” no, let me do something about this.” And that’s admirable- noble even.

But then sometimes, stupidly, we believe that just by us having good intentions should be motivation enough for people/situations to change for the better.

Then there are those things we do mostly because we want people to like us, not to be upset with us and to accept us. Approval seeking at its best or its worst depending on how you look at it.

Coming in at Number One as the stupidest thing we do which jeopardises our wellbeing is :

Trying to change or control others.

You can no more do that than you can will the power blackout to end the night before an important exam which you need to study for.

Not gonna happen.

You are only responsible for yourself and your reactions to other people or circumstances. People are in charge of themselves; they do what they believe serves them. Sure, you can try to change/control your inner circle of friends/family because you mean well and want what you believe is best for them.

Yet, somehow, there is a certain measure of arrogance somewhere in there- that you know better than them or what’s best for them.

In the likelihood of you being right about something- like telling your loved one that if he keeps smoking he will eventually kill himself- chances are high that he still won’t listen.

It is his decision and his choice.
It’s time to keep your counsel to yourself and let him learn the hard way.

That is what tough love looks like.

If your niece keeps insisting that she will marry no-one but the bad news of a fellow everyone knows him to be inspite of all your protests maybe let her go ahead.

At a decent Second Position is:

Giving away your power to others.

You let others’ actions determine your happiness.

You decide that others have the right to dictate your emotions everyday. Because the office witch took credit for your work you let a perfectly good day go sour. Call her out instead and then enjoy your day!

Your husband was late for a dinner you lovingly prepared and organized and he didn’t even explain or apologize for it!

So you sit and sulk and let good food go to waste. Eat by your little sweet some and enjoy it!

Or maybe your classmate is spreading rumours about you or your teacher is just being plain mean. So you walk around with clouds of thunder and lightning over your head and rain on other people’s parade.

Why give power to people you probably will not ever have to deal with after a few years?

You get the point. You can’t stop being happy or energized or motivated just because someone was being thoughtless and inconsiderate. Or just being himself.

Caring too much what others think.

This is closely related to giving away personal power. Look, people will talk about you for a full five minutes before they find someone else to gossip about.

So do yourself a favor and stop.

Go ahead and live your life on your own terms. Small minded people will talk about you whether you are an axe murderer (I am going to assume here that you are not) or simply someone saying yes to life- you will be the subject of conversation. So what are you going to do about it?

Saying yes when you really want to say a big fat unapologetic NO!

I am not talking about saying yes to opportunities, or adventure or genuine calls for help. I am talking about saying yes when we have made other plans or when we simply feel duty bound to do so. When all we wanted was to have a quiet night in and people have invited themselves over without calling ahead.

 

The more we keep doing these things the more we end up angry, exasperated, resentful and physically drained. When we seek to change others or when we give away our personal power all we are doing is compromising our wellbeing. Duty and being sociable aside, some things just aren’t worth it.

So stop. Do yourself a massive favour and just stop.

 

So what stupid things not mentioned here do you do in good faith that threaten your wellbeing? Let us know in the comments below 🙂

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people pleasing, tough love, unsolicited advice, validation, wellbeing


najma

I am a mother of three, born and bred in Mombasa, Kenya. I am passionate about books, writing, healthy living and getting people to see the best of themselves. Especially getting people to see the best of themselves.

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