Things You wish Your kids Won’t Say or Do! When You Have Company

April is coming to an end and today marks the first day of school. For us parents, it’s yey!

For the kids……. not so much 🙂

You see, for millions of Kenyan children the best part of April is school holidays.

For us parents, not so much.

Dealing with bored kids and trying to navigate our way around the ‘urgencies’ of housebound children with nothing to do but call mum at work with a laundry list of complaints the top of which is ” Mum, we are bored we have nothing to do” is ….um….challenging. 🙂

Especially since you forbade the excessive use of handheld gadgets. Little Man always finds a way out of this by declaring that a laptop is not handheld therefore he is allowed to use it.
No use packing them off to grandma for a change of scenery either since she disapproves of children entertaining themselves via the internet. I know Little Man will take his leave, board a tuktuk and make his way home.

That’s the great thing about kids; they stay true to themselves.

They will say what they honestly think usually without filters.
They don’t have two sets of behaviours; how they act at home is usually how they will conduct themselves elsewhere.

How they interact with others when grandma is around is usually how they will behave when she is not around. How they behave when Dad is around…….well…….that’s another story……

Kids will say what’s on their minds. They will also repeat what they heard you say. And they will usually do this at the most public of places and in the most inappropriate of ways.
They will be clueless as to what that look you are giving them means.  (hint: Shush! Shush! You don’t need to be sharing this!)

If you have been around children for any length of time you will recognise some of the things I am about to regale you with 😀

Having a large extended family means that there has been no shortage of cringe-worthy moments. Somehow children seem to favour the presence of guests to be extra honest.

Princess and siblings laugh with horror and disbelief when I tell them some of the things they got up to.

I know the guests who came over for a planned lunch or afternoon tea with us often left amused. I am happy that they had a sense of humour (well, some of them anyway) and could see some of their own children’s behaviours in my kids’ shenanigans:

1. They bicker- very loudly- and spill out all the reasons why they don’t like each other.

Junior: ” that’s why Umi won’t play with you anymore- you are so stubborn!”

Princess: ” well, no-one wants you on their team Mr. I- am- a- better- soccer- player -than everyone- else!”

2. They ask- very loudly- why your best crockery comes out only during Eid or when there are guests around. (Hint: you probably would have no best crockery left if you let it out of the sideboard for everyday use) ” Is it Eid?”

3. They announce- very loudly- (at age three anyway😁) that they have finished a “number two” and can you come sort them out? Never mind you assigned that special duty to the designated baby sitter.

4. They ask the guests if they can have the appetizers that you set out for said guests even though you explained to them. Very slowly. That the appetizers on the kitchen table with less spice are theirs. And that the appetizers on the best crockery on the living room coffee table are for the guests. ” Mamaa said these ones are for you.”

5. They (all of them but older sibling) refuse to take orders from their teenage cousin who you put in charge while you are entertaining. They come straight to the living room where you are and: “Mama, go discipline Salma (the teenage cousin). She said if there were no guests she would give us a smack behind our heads for not listening to her.”

They (the three-year-old) also -sometimes- come into the said living room wearing nothing but undergarments.

6.  They (all of them but older sibling) announce- very loudly- that Baba (their Dad) called to ask if the guests have left and can he come home? Not understanding that Baba wants the ladies to feel free and not worry about hijab.

7. You hear thuds and screams and bangs and glass breaking and someone sobbing. You go to investigate and you find all seated innocently but the vacuum cleaner is strangely out of place. You shoot them a warning look and they smile sweetly.

8. It is the only time you whisper while in your own home (you don’t want the ladies hearing your threats)

9. Because you were not blessed with Baba’s (your husband) extremely effective ‘go play in your rooms or else’ look.

10. You go in and give them big hugs every now and then because somehow they manage to get more adorable with each mess they make. 

I treasure these memories and wish there had been more of them.

What about you? What kind of things do the kids in your life get up to when you have guests? Let me know in the comments!