When will you change your life?
You have all the planners, all the motivational quotes, all the apps, all the requisite support.
Yet you hesitate. You put it off.
But hey, don’t doubt yourself.
It is not that you are lazy. Or unambitious. Or incapable of pursuing something to it’s logical conclusion; to it’s success.
It’s simply because, to use the words of a famous quote: you are afraid of your own greatness.
You ask yourself who am I to deserve it?
Well, who are you not to?
You are just as worthy of success, happiness and fulfilment.
Every single one of us has a purpose, has a gift to present to this world and it does not serve us to hold ourselves back.
I, you, we don’t want to look back at the end of our lives and feel regret at what could have been- what would have been if we had just gotten out of our own way.
2019 is winding down- packing it’s bags to usher in another 365 days which, eventually, will give way to another year.
Many (or perhaps too few considering how time flies) sunrises and sunsets later that, too, will leave. And leave you wondering if you had made any difference; moved forward towards better things for yourself and your loved ones.
Whether the you of this year is a much better human being than the you of twelve months ago.
Changing your life does not require much fanfare. No fireworks displays are needed, nor new planners or diaries; no celebratory parties.
Not even loud, adrenalin fueled proclamations that henceforth you will no longer do a, b and c. That from now on you are someone who undertakes d, e and f.
It doesn’t require a fresh new Monday or a life-changing catastrophe for you to step up.
It does not require a specific date in the calendar or a first thing tomorrow morning or a new device or gadget.
It can be done right here right now; before you are ready even because guess what? Counting on perfect conditions and circumstances will have you waiting for the rest of what remains of your life.
All it needs is an intention, faith in the Almighty and a little self love.
After that, any day can be the 1st day of January.
Sunset. Photo Courtesy of salwa.swaleh.ashur on Instagram.
I hate change.
It’s rude, intrusive, and inconvenient. It kicks me out of my comfort zone where I would rather remain, safe and certain.
I hate change.
I hate that with change I (usually) have to experience loss, discomfort and cold, hard truth.
I hate that it is disruptive and that it always, without fail, leaves me disoriented, confused and emotional. That it demands my focus, my patience and my maturity.
I hate change.
I hate that Junior has left home and that, in the not so distant future, so will his two siblings. I hate missing him and worrying about him. Things were so much simpler when he lived down the corridor to the left of the living room.
I hate the not knowing; the uncertainty that change brings.
I hate being vulnerable as only change can make you.
I hate that it means starting over, with a different cast of characters, new settings and sometimes brand new habits- and who would want that kind of headache?
Change is torturous. You have to unlearn many of your beliefs and preconceived notions. You have to fight with yourself and others before the dust settles and everything falls into place. If it falls into place.
It means learning to coexist with tears and /or the absence of a loved one.
Change. It is seldom fun or enjoyable or welcome.
Because we- I- want to avoid pain as much as possible. Because I want to consistently know joy and laughter. I don’t want to have to dig deep and dissect my feelings. Who knows what I might find? I don’t want my boat rocked.
But mostly…..because change- that stealer of contentment – that ruiner of status quo brings goodbyes. And goodbyes are not my strongest point.
Who doesn’t want a good thing to last?
Yet I am old enough (and hopefully wise enough) to know we don’t and can’t live in a bubble. We are not made of wires or bolts or wood. We are living thinking feeling beings. Even if we pray for it to, life does not remain still nor does it wait.
Paradoxically, change is what sharpens us, makes us love harder, appreciate more. It grows us as people and individuals. We are not trees meant to remain in one place. We are made to evolve, to see beyond our present circumstances; to reach towards better things beckoning to us from the horizon of our fears.
Sometimes it’s ok to crawl and hide somewhere when life gets overwhelming.
When your arms feel tired of carrying all the responsibilities, the demands, the duties. When you can’t keep up with all the roles you play: mum, wife, writer, daughter, sibling, citizen.
When you feel low on energy and don’t know why; when you don’t feel like hanging out with the guys; when you just cannot attend another meeting, another wedding, another soccer match.
When you can’t read another self help book, or any book; when you want to take your laptop and put it in the trash because you just. can’t. write. another. word.
When you can’t like, comment on or share any more videos, gifs or pics.
When you are sick of the news and long to hear something wonderful and uplifting. When you want to laugh like you used to before life got complicated; before you had to grow up and act like an adult.
When all you want is a tub of no holds barred ice cream and to collapse on your most comfortable chair watching TV on mute…..
Then you know it’s time for you to get away for a little while, to recharge.
To switch off your phone, put up a Do Not Disturb sign on your door and just do your thing.
To indulge the little child inside, give him/her a little R and R. To let her fill her cup.
Tomorrow she will be strong enough to fill yours.
