Make Peace With The Life You Have

When I was much younger I wrote a list about all the things I wanted to do, have or accomplish five years from the time of the writing. Junior was an adorable toddler then and his siblings were a few years away from being born.

While organising my personal effects the other day I chanced upon the list. I was astonished that I had, indeed, done, had or accomplished many of the items on it.

But there were many more- to this day- that have remained undone, unsolved and a pain in the you- know-where.

I had written that list before either Princess or Little Man were born and now they are about to leave their teens. I had sat outside at the balcony of my sister’s hospital room, pen in hand, looking out towards the calm Indian Ocean. It was an ideal place to sit and seek clarity. There is also nothing more sobering than watching a loved one helpless and ill. Makes you appreciate your health and wellness. Gives you pause, inspires you to do more with your allotted time here on this earth.

While the nurses attended to her, I put down my hopes, goals and dreams. I only stopped writing to look in on her every now and then before I went back to my list.

To have those items crossed off that list I fought long and hard for many years.  I cried a copious amount of tears, swallowed my pride many times and made sacrifices but still.

Those items, scribbled on a yellow note pad now brown and fading with age, refused to materialise in real life.

It is only now during this time of Covid and confusion, dis-ease and distress that I began to see the folly of my insistence that they must happen.

Allah has been showing me that there is nothing to be gained by going after them, nothing but a lot of anger and resentment but I refused to see it.

So now, almost a lifetime later, I am finally learning to make peace with the life I have.

The life that doesn’t have many of the items on that piece of paper. But then again it has a lot of what wasn’t on it in the first place. Blessings that make my heart soar with joy.  Things that I would not change for all the gold in the world.

It isn’t easy accepting that some of your goals, dreams, your fondest desires may never come true -no thanks to all that ‘don’t quit’ crap.

You have only so much time in this world to pursue what you feel inspired to pursue but then you have to bear in mind that maybe Allah is telling you something.

If, after so many years, fights, falling out; after so much anguish you are still holding on to the five year plan you wrote when you didn’t know any better then perhaps you need to reconsider some things in it.

Maybe think of tearing it up and taking a brutally honest look at your life. Perhaps from there you can write another one.

With our limited human minds how can we comprehend what goodness lays in store for us? How will we know if we are unwilling to let go of what we believe we want?

Sometimes, before we can have what we want we have to want what we have.

Perhaps all you need to do is to look at your life from a place of gratitude and abundance.

You will be amazed at the miracles that will begin to happen when you make peace with it.

And the Almighty knows best.