Today I Choose To Be Unproductive
TODAY.
I try the first book. Doesn’t work.
I close it and try the second. No success there either.
I close that and go to YouTube.
At Youtube I scroll through the channels.
Health? nah…
Motivation? Meh.
Simple living? You gotta be kidding me.
Indian recipes? I can feel the ulcers already.
Islamic reminders? Allah forgive me.
Well, that has crossed off 90% of my subscriptions.
I am not in the mood for the other 10% either, apparently, because I click on one channel and nothing happens.
I click through them all. Still nothing.
I give up.
Today I am not up to self improvement or learning about the wonders of apple cider vinegar.
Or hearing for the gazillion time that one must not quit no matter what. (I think that’s a load of BS by the way)
Or how waking up at 4am will change my life.
Or whatever.
Today I need nothing more than to watch a funny cartoon- or barring that- a house makeover program but with the sound turned off.
Today the troubles of the world, its problems pollution and pandemic aren’t mine. I will let someone else worry about them. I will trust God’s Plan.
Today I will do nothing except zone out and be my most indulgent.
I am not going to worry about Princess’ upcoming final exams as stressed as we all are about it.
I will not obsess that I ate everything on the ‘do not eat’ list for people with food intolerances like myself.
I will not look at my to do list and fret that there is still so much I have yet to cross out.
I will not do a mental check about which next of kin I have yet to call and greet.
Or which former neighbor I have not given condolences to for the loss of their loved one.
Or which relative I still haven’t congratulated for their happy news six weeks after the fact.
I will not fret over tax returns and the bills that are due at month end.
Today I will not care I have laundry that needs to be put away or books that must be returned to the library.
Today I am not going to be saddened about all the injustice in the world and all the cruelty.
Today is all about my needs and -dare I say it- my mental health.
Today, right now.
I cannot be productive today. I have tried. You were there 🙂
Sometimes we just have to take down that picture we have of ourselves and put it in the drawer.
You know.
That picture that shows us always full of energy, unstoppable, gung ho, overflowing with positivity and putting into practice all of the hundred “you-can-do-it!” quotes that we own.
Maybe you don’t have such a picture in which case I envy you.
Well, I have one like that.
It shows me always in control- not a hijab pin out of place, churning out at least 1500-words-a day writing masterpieces and memorizing the Quraan.
It shows me actively concerned over the environment, the ever cheerful mother gently guiding my teens to their best, the fierce daily-10k-step-walking healthy eating me.
I have it because if I didn’t know what the highest ideal of me was capable of I would never stretch myself to reach her.
And I pull it off- some days.
But not today. Today I want to be lazy, uninspired and unmotivated.
Because this guilt that eats at us if we are not constantly on ‘go-go” mode can’t be healthy.
This self reproach because all we did today was tidy up and read a book cannot be conducive to a healthy mind.
This shame that “I should have done more, won more, achieved more” cannot be adding to our sense of worthiness.
In fact the very opposite. It often leads to comparison and a feeling of not measuring up.
Because even aspiring super women (and men!) need to power down and unplug.
They need to cut themselves some slack.
Let themselves off the hook.
Stop demanding so much of themselves.
They need to let themselves be human.
Our very wellbeing depends on it.
~Photo Courtesy of Tanya Trukyr on Unsplash.
mental health, Productivity, relaxation, rest, self acceptance, self love, slowing down
Hafswa Khamis
Today happened to be a lazy and unproductive day for me too